Friend? Parent? Or DICTATOR?!?

First off, my apologies for dropping off the face of the earth right after starting this blog. We have been having so many issues with our internet, it has been impossible to actually do anything online from the computer. Anyway, onto the actual post.

Parenting styles...we all have our own unique style. I love that. I admit, I still struggle to find my balance. On one hand, I want to be respected and listened to. On the other hand I do NOT want to just be some cold hearted dictator who doesn't listen to my kids. I started out a little closer to the dictator end of the spectrum. "I said it, you do it, no questions asked!" Then I was humbled by my daughter over and over again until I learned how important it is to let my little girl feel like it is safe to speak up for herself. She wasn't always protesting to be disrespectful. It was usually, "O, come here please." "Buttttt Mommmmm..." "O, no buts. I told you to come. Get out here now please." "But MOM!" "O!!!! Kitchen! NOW!" "Mom I have to go PEEEEEE!"

 

"Ooops...in that case, go pee and then come here, please. I'm sorry, honey."

 

I tell her I'll always listen, tell her I'll always be there for her, ask her to listen to me...and then I don't actually give her a chance to speak?...hmmmm...not how I want to do things. I am working on it. Then there are instances where I get frustrated a little too quickly rather than seeing through her point of view. Thankfully, so far we tend to communicate pretty well once the situation calms down. Let me give a few examples.


Example 1:

 

We went on one of our first outings without Daddy after G was born. First time ever taking both girls to the playground and I decided to go to a new one. O met a sweet little friend, a cute little 6 year old girl that took Olivia under her wing and showed her the ropes. She showed O all of her favorite things about this playground and the girls had lots of fun together. They both were playing so nice. This playground is at a soccer complex and O had her soccer ball with her. She eventually decided she was done with the playground and wanted to go kick her ball around. She asked the little girl if she wanted to come play soccer with her. The little girl politely declined saying she didn't really like soccer. We parted ways and went over to one of the little fields. A minute later, O's friend had joined us and looked as though she might want to play. I encouraged O to kick the ball over to her. O immediately said, "But Momma, I can't. She can't play with my soccer ball!!!" I'm immediately embarrassed that she wasn't sharing and pull her aside to have a talk. She is INSISTENT. Ok, fine, you don't want to play nice, we'll leave. I pack the girls up and head home. (We'd already been there for a good 2 hours anyway...) On the way home, I start a dialogue and tell O why I was not pleased with her lack of sharing. She innocently explained, "But Mommy, the little girl can't play soccer. She TOLD me that already. So I couldn't share my ball because she didn't like to play soccer with me..." 

Apparently she wasn't trying to be a little b-r-a-t. (I hate that word...) I was thankful for her response and explanation because it gave me the chance to tell her what a kind response would have been while understanding what was going on in her little head. Good teaching moment. For both of us. I need to remember to give her a chance to speak or else that teaching opportunity would have been missed.

 

Example 2:

 

We went out with my sister and her girls last week. Went to a beautiful park nearby and enjoyed walking around and seeing all of the fall colors. My sister and oldest niece started a game of tag as we headed toward a little hidden playground. O watched them quite seriously. Cousin A ran away from Aunt A, Aunt A chased her and tagged her, then started running away from Cousin A. I saw that she was intently watching them and once we got to the playground I didn't give it another thought. We didn't stay too long as we had already been there for a while, the cars were far away and it was getting dusky. When it was time to go, I told O to come over because it was time to walk back to the car. She started to come, got a smirk on her face and ran away. Frustrated, I called after her to come over. She wasn't listening. At all. Went and got her and scolded her for not listening AND for running away from me. She got all whiney. Not a pretty sight. I was THAT Mommy at the playground. Thankfully we were the only ones there. haha. Again, get in the car, I start a dialogue...and again, she has an innocent explanation as to what SHE thought was going on. She was imitating the game of tag so she could be like big Cousin A because that was "so punny (funny)". OHHHHHHkay...that makes sense. "Well O, playing tag is fun, but we weren't playing tag. When Aunt A and Cousin A were playing, Aunt A had not asked Cousin A to come. It is different. When we were leaving the playground and Aunt A told Cousin A to come, she listened, right? It is important to listen to Mommy. When I tell you it is time to leave, you need to come, ok? If we are playing a game of tag, then it is ok, but you still would need to listen to Mommy even then."

I am slowly realizing that although I do want to be in charge and have pleasant children, I also am happy that she speaks up for herself and explains. It allows us to talk through issues and have a new understanding of things TOGETHER. I guess I don't want to be 100% friend OR 100% dictator. I want to be Mommy...a Mommy who listens and grows rather than being stubborn JUST because I'm the Mom...

Thoughts?

Wordless Wednesday

Monday, Monday! So good to me...

Ahhh, the good old Mama's and the Papa's...haven't listened to them in forever but the song popped into my head and is very fitting since it's Monday.

Today was a beautiful fall day. The air was crisp and a bit cool, but it was perfect in the sunshine. Got plenty of cleaning done to catch up from relaxing more than usual this past weekend. Made a new recipe in the crock pot. It was good but nothing to write home about. I may try it again and just tweak it a little bit. I just enjoyed having dinner going and not having to worry about it, though. Always a plus. ha. It was just one of those days where everything ran smooth. Very productive, and still plenty of time to play with the munchkins.

Once Mr. Wonderful got home from work I ran up to the deli quick with Baby G while Miss O played with Daddy. Came home to them drawing with sidewalk chalk together. My husband is quite artistic and I came home to this sweet little thing. I love him.

 

 

Our older dog Butters came out to get his nails trimmed, much to his dismay. He saw the back of the SUV open and jumped in for a ride. Poor guy.

 

Ready, Butters?

 

 

Trimming those long nails...

 

Happiest baby ever. Little Miss G.

 

That was my Monday in a nutshell. How was yours? 

 

Thankful Thursday

I'm not sure I'll do these theme days each week but I figured I'll give it a try and see how I like it.

Thankful Thursday seems like a good one to me. It's so easy to get overwhelmed by life and not have a very thankful attitude. Guilty more often than I'd like to admit. A post about what I'm thankful for seems like a great way to focus on the positive. I'll probably switch it up sometimes, but today I'm way behind on things that I really SHOULD be doing so I'm going to do a quick bullet point list. 10 things. And GO!

1. Thankful for my hardworking husband who shows me daily how much he loves me.
2. Thankful for two healthy and happy children that I have the privilege of spending my days with.
3. Thankful for a warm home to live in. (seems cliché but due to some neighbor issues and more repairs than we have the time or money for, I find myself not being as thankful as I should for it.)
4. Thankful that aside from a mortgage we are debt free. When I start to worry about finances I have to remind myself that we're not in terrible shape. We aren't drowning in debt, we're just on a tight budget. I'm ok with that.
5. Thankful for an energetic two year old that can tell when I'm not in a great mood and immediately starts doing funny things to make me laugh.
6. Thankful for the piles of unfolded laundry that were making me groan earlier...it means we have nice clothes to wear.
7. Thankful for a sink full of dishes that I didn't get to last night because I was too busy doing more important things, like snuggling my 4 month old. We are fed and clothed. The dishes and laundry will get done, just not always as soon as I'd like to do them.
8. Thankful for a hot, uninterrupted shower this morning. The uninterrupted part is the big part. Ha.
9. Thankful for another warm, sunny day. Soon it will be too cold to play outside very often and I'm glad we can take advantage now.
10. Thankful for some really amazing friends...you know the kind that are there no matter what? The ones that don't judge? Yeah, those are the kind I have now and I don't take that for granted. :)

What are YOU thankful for this Thursday?

Wordless Wednesday

"Mommy Wars"

I hate everything about that phrase "Mommy Wars." I kind of wish it weren't a topic, but it is and it's bigger than I ever imagined. Hence, it being the topic of my first real post. The thing is, it isn't just mothers that are guilty or involved in these "wars." It seems like the longer I am a Mom, the more I realize this. Apparently everyone wants to comment/judge/be-all-up-in-everyone-else's business rather than just taking care of their own shortcomings. Why? I have no clue. But apparently E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y has the right to pass judgment, or so they think.

Here's the thing, I am not even close to being perfect. I realize that. As much as I try NOT to judge, I find myself guilty of doing the very thing I hate. When I feel like I'm being judged, I am quick to put that person under the microscope and find every single thing "wrong" that I can. I disgust myself when I do it. I guess my thinking is, If you're going to judge me you BETTER have all your stuff perfect otherwise, who the heck do you think you are?!

What? I'm the only one, you say? Nobody else out there is quick to pass judgment when they themselves are being judged? Well, even if that is the case, it feels good to get stuff off my chest. So here we go...

It seems like the first topic that came up for me was giving birth. Really? You're going to give me a hard time for how I gave BIRTH? I was taken aback by the fact that my very first action as a mother was criticized and that girls actually had the guts to TELL me that they didn't agree with me. So it only makes sense that I address this first.

Home Birth VS. Hospital Birth with no interventions VS. Hospital Birth with interventions VS. C-Section, etc.. Who Cares?!?! I birthed both of my babies at the hospital and I had two AMAZING experiences. I am so thankful. My doctor listened to me, respected me, and I was in charge. My Doctor was my cheerleader and part of my support team...there to intervene ONLY if needed. She wasn't some monster that bullied me into doing stuff I wasn't ok with. She was a friend and partner. It was perfect. I wouldn't change a thing about either experience. I also don't take any of that for granted. I've read some horror stories and my heart goes out to those Mom's that didn't have the experience they hoped for. Apparently it was "selfish" of me to have my babies at the hospital, though. Seriously? Yeah, seriously. I was actually told that a few times right after Miss O was born. Home birth is the only acceptable way. What? I'm sorry, but no. No matter HOW you give birth, you still just did one of the most amazing things ever. Nobody should ever say otherwise. There is no wrong choice. Birth is not a competition. No woman is better than another for how they accomplished bringing their baby into the world. No woman is less for it either. I absolutely love reading birth stories. Each birth is different and each birth is beautiful. It shouldn't be judged or compared. I seriously can't even express how close to my heart this subject has become. Every woman deserves support and encouragement no matter what she chooses to do in this area.

Next area of judgment I found myself facing as a brand new mother: Formula feeding vs. Breast feeding. I was TRAUMATIZED by my experience with my firstborn. She didn't want to nurse, I was stressed, she wasn't gaining weight, and so on. For my own sanity and the health of my baby, I switched her to formula at three weeks old. I honestly fought as hard as I could. Tried everything that was suggested to me and more. The best thing for my baby was to bottle feed her. I firmly believe that. I STILL hear about it from some ladies almost three years later. Get over yourselves. lol. I have a beautiful nursing relationship now with my four month old. I love it. I am so thankful that this time around it worked out. Guess what? It wasn't a lack of love or determination or anything the first time. It was a matter of not starving my daughter who literally would not eat. I am a good mom for using formula. I am a good mom for breastfeeding. Both girls are loved and were (are) nourished in the best possible way for each of them. That is all that matters. Period. I am in the breast feeding "club" currently and I still get annoyed with other "members" that act like they're better than any mom who bottle feeds. Feeding is not a competition. Is your baby loved and nourished? Ok then. Great job, Mom!

It just seems to all grow as the kids grow, too. "My baby rolled over, sat, crawled, talked, walked first." "My toddler knows all of this information." "My kid was the most well behaved kid at the party today unlike so-and-so's kid who whined like crazy." Believe me, when my girls do something new I am THRILLED. I get so excited about every single milestone. It's natural. But every child is different. The fact that your kid was speaking in full paragraphs before my kid even said two words is great for them...but it doesn't make you or them better. We're all just different. This is NOT a competition. Are you noticing a theme here? HA. In this journey of parenthood, I'd love to see less comparing and judging and more love and support. Can we do that? Can we start being happy for each other and encouraging each other and quit trying to one-up everyone around us? That would be fantastic. I love when people can embrace differences rather than judge them. It makes for a much more beautiful world. Don't you think? I certainly do.

P.S. I come from a very judgmental, proud background. The whole premise of it was to be humble and not judge but that very rarely actually happens. I noticed that once I stopped worrying about what everyone around me was doing and thinking it was my job to judge them, life got a whole lot happier and more carefree. I like it that way.

Oh hello blogging world! So nice to see you again!

I am so excited to get back into blogging. It is such a therapeutic thing for me. I just have a few minutes to type up a quick intro but have no fear, I will be back when I have more time. Wait, when does that ever happen? Ha ha.

I am a stay at home Mom to two beautiful girls. Miss O is turning 3 soon and Miss G just turned 4 months. It was not an easy journey to get to this point but every minute and every struggle was worth it. My body basically hated me and did not want to get pregnant. We were finally able to conceive three times. First, Miss O after a year of TTC and being referred to a fertility specialist. Found out I was pregnant weeks before my first appointment there. Due to how long it took to conceive the first time, we basically never went on birth control after O was born. Again, we got referred to the fertility clinic a little over a year after we started TTC baby # 2. Conceived on our own but didn't get the positive test until the weekend after my first visit to the specialist. We lost that baby at 6 weeks, 3 days...10 days after finding out I was finally pregnant again. I was devastated. That was in April of 2012. The next 6 months consisted of Doctor visits, blood work, etc. 3-5 times A WEEK. It was intense. My entire life was just going to the doctor and caring for our beautiful first born.The staff was amazing though and they became a second family to me as we faced this journey of trying for another child. Finally after two surgeries, multiple treatments, etc. I conceived Miss G in August of 2013...20 months after initially beginning to "try." I honestly never realized how difficult it was to want so desperately to get pregnant and not be able to. As difficult as it was to lose that precious baby in April, I would rather go through that experience again than the experience of being infertile. That is how difficult it was for me personally. That being said, I had Miss O to keep me busy and to be thankful for. I had my amazing husband by my side every step of the way. He was once again my rock. Some couples can't take it. For us, we grew closer together as we leaned on each other. It's what we do when we face difficult times and I am so thankful for that. We are SO far from perfect, but we are perfect for each other. As hard as it all seemed at the time, I was fully aware that I had it easier than many women and I remained thankful for that as well. It can always be worse.

Anyway, that is a very brief recap of our journey to get where we are today...a happy, healthy family of four.

My husband and I have known each other for 10 years now. We met through work. We've been together for 6. He is truly my best friend. Every minute I spend with him, I fall even deeper in love with him. He's amazing.

I initially didn't think I would be staying at home full time. I thought I would be working part time but quickly realized that just wasn't the route for us. The time away from home would not be worth the very little amount of money I would make working part time. Although it is exhausting and some days are very difficult, I am beyond thankful that I get to stay home to raise these two beautiful girls. The time is flying by already and I just don't want to miss out on a thing. I have so much respect for moms that work outside of the home. I really don't know how they juggle it all. Then again, no matter what route you choose, there will always be some sort of struggle along the way. The thing I don't have respect for is the "Mommy Wars" but that will have to be a post in itself. We are all moms. We all love our kids, right? So why debate over stupid little things? I'm not better than the next mom because I do fill-in-the-blank. Just different. Different is good. The world would be pretty boring if we all did things exactly the same. So let's stop judging and let's start supporting and cheering each on in this thing called motherhood.

This blog will be for me to blow off some steam, write down some thoughts, share my point of view on things, have some "me" time, and share some funny stories of day-to-day life. I want to document this stage of our lives. I am open for friendly discussion. I welcome it, really. I am not open to nasty debates and judgment. If you don't like what I have to say, go elsewhere. Make your own blog to write whatever you want. I'll probably even read it. I just don't want it here. haha.

Thanks for reading and I hope to be back again soon. For now, I have a very energetic almost-three-year-old wanting my attention and I'm finding it quite difficult to think clearly while she is being her cute little self.