Friend? Parent? Or DICTATOR?!?

First off, my apologies for dropping off the face of the earth right after starting this blog. We have been having so many issues with our internet, it has been impossible to actually do anything online from the computer. Anyway, onto the actual post.

Parenting styles...we all have our own unique style. I love that. I admit, I still struggle to find my balance. On one hand, I want to be respected and listened to. On the other hand I do NOT want to just be some cold hearted dictator who doesn't listen to my kids. I started out a little closer to the dictator end of the spectrum. "I said it, you do it, no questions asked!" Then I was humbled by my daughter over and over again until I learned how important it is to let my little girl feel like it is safe to speak up for herself. She wasn't always protesting to be disrespectful. It was usually, "O, come here please." "Buttttt Mommmmm..." "O, no buts. I told you to come. Get out here now please." "But MOM!" "O!!!! Kitchen! NOW!" "Mom I have to go PEEEEEE!"

 

"Ooops...in that case, go pee and then come here, please. I'm sorry, honey."

 

I tell her I'll always listen, tell her I'll always be there for her, ask her to listen to me...and then I don't actually give her a chance to speak?...hmmmm...not how I want to do things. I am working on it. Then there are instances where I get frustrated a little too quickly rather than seeing through her point of view. Thankfully, so far we tend to communicate pretty well once the situation calms down. Let me give a few examples.


Example 1:

 

We went on one of our first outings without Daddy after G was born. First time ever taking both girls to the playground and I decided to go to a new one. O met a sweet little friend, a cute little 6 year old girl that took Olivia under her wing and showed her the ropes. She showed O all of her favorite things about this playground and the girls had lots of fun together. They both were playing so nice. This playground is at a soccer complex and O had her soccer ball with her. She eventually decided she was done with the playground and wanted to go kick her ball around. She asked the little girl if she wanted to come play soccer with her. The little girl politely declined saying she didn't really like soccer. We parted ways and went over to one of the little fields. A minute later, O's friend had joined us and looked as though she might want to play. I encouraged O to kick the ball over to her. O immediately said, "But Momma, I can't. She can't play with my soccer ball!!!" I'm immediately embarrassed that she wasn't sharing and pull her aside to have a talk. She is INSISTENT. Ok, fine, you don't want to play nice, we'll leave. I pack the girls up and head home. (We'd already been there for a good 2 hours anyway...) On the way home, I start a dialogue and tell O why I was not pleased with her lack of sharing. She innocently explained, "But Mommy, the little girl can't play soccer. She TOLD me that already. So I couldn't share my ball because she didn't like to play soccer with me..." 

Apparently she wasn't trying to be a little b-r-a-t. (I hate that word...) I was thankful for her response and explanation because it gave me the chance to tell her what a kind response would have been while understanding what was going on in her little head. Good teaching moment. For both of us. I need to remember to give her a chance to speak or else that teaching opportunity would have been missed.

 

Example 2:

 

We went out with my sister and her girls last week. Went to a beautiful park nearby and enjoyed walking around and seeing all of the fall colors. My sister and oldest niece started a game of tag as we headed toward a little hidden playground. O watched them quite seriously. Cousin A ran away from Aunt A, Aunt A chased her and tagged her, then started running away from Cousin A. I saw that she was intently watching them and once we got to the playground I didn't give it another thought. We didn't stay too long as we had already been there for a while, the cars were far away and it was getting dusky. When it was time to go, I told O to come over because it was time to walk back to the car. She started to come, got a smirk on her face and ran away. Frustrated, I called after her to come over. She wasn't listening. At all. Went and got her and scolded her for not listening AND for running away from me. She got all whiney. Not a pretty sight. I was THAT Mommy at the playground. Thankfully we were the only ones there. haha. Again, get in the car, I start a dialogue...and again, she has an innocent explanation as to what SHE thought was going on. She was imitating the game of tag so she could be like big Cousin A because that was "so punny (funny)". OHHHHHHkay...that makes sense. "Well O, playing tag is fun, but we weren't playing tag. When Aunt A and Cousin A were playing, Aunt A had not asked Cousin A to come. It is different. When we were leaving the playground and Aunt A told Cousin A to come, she listened, right? It is important to listen to Mommy. When I tell you it is time to leave, you need to come, ok? If we are playing a game of tag, then it is ok, but you still would need to listen to Mommy even then."

I am slowly realizing that although I do want to be in charge and have pleasant children, I also am happy that she speaks up for herself and explains. It allows us to talk through issues and have a new understanding of things TOGETHER. I guess I don't want to be 100% friend OR 100% dictator. I want to be Mommy...a Mommy who listens and grows rather than being stubborn JUST because I'm the Mom...

Thoughts?