"Mommy Wars"

I hate everything about that phrase "Mommy Wars." I kind of wish it weren't a topic, but it is and it's bigger than I ever imagined. Hence, it being the topic of my first real post. The thing is, it isn't just mothers that are guilty or involved in these "wars." It seems like the longer I am a Mom, the more I realize this. Apparently everyone wants to comment/judge/be-all-up-in-everyone-else's business rather than just taking care of their own shortcomings. Why? I have no clue. But apparently E-V-E-R-Y-B-O-D-Y has the right to pass judgment, or so they think.

Here's the thing, I am not even close to being perfect. I realize that. As much as I try NOT to judge, I find myself guilty of doing the very thing I hate. When I feel like I'm being judged, I am quick to put that person under the microscope and find every single thing "wrong" that I can. I disgust myself when I do it. I guess my thinking is, If you're going to judge me you BETTER have all your stuff perfect otherwise, who the heck do you think you are?!

What? I'm the only one, you say? Nobody else out there is quick to pass judgment when they themselves are being judged? Well, even if that is the case, it feels good to get stuff off my chest. So here we go...

It seems like the first topic that came up for me was giving birth. Really? You're going to give me a hard time for how I gave BIRTH? I was taken aback by the fact that my very first action as a mother was criticized and that girls actually had the guts to TELL me that they didn't agree with me. So it only makes sense that I address this first.

Home Birth VS. Hospital Birth with no interventions VS. Hospital Birth with interventions VS. C-Section, etc.. Who Cares?!?! I birthed both of my babies at the hospital and I had two AMAZING experiences. I am so thankful. My doctor listened to me, respected me, and I was in charge. My Doctor was my cheerleader and part of my support team...there to intervene ONLY if needed. She wasn't some monster that bullied me into doing stuff I wasn't ok with. She was a friend and partner. It was perfect. I wouldn't change a thing about either experience. I also don't take any of that for granted. I've read some horror stories and my heart goes out to those Mom's that didn't have the experience they hoped for. Apparently it was "selfish" of me to have my babies at the hospital, though. Seriously? Yeah, seriously. I was actually told that a few times right after Miss O was born. Home birth is the only acceptable way. What? I'm sorry, but no. No matter HOW you give birth, you still just did one of the most amazing things ever. Nobody should ever say otherwise. There is no wrong choice. Birth is not a competition. No woman is better than another for how they accomplished bringing their baby into the world. No woman is less for it either. I absolutely love reading birth stories. Each birth is different and each birth is beautiful. It shouldn't be judged or compared. I seriously can't even express how close to my heart this subject has become. Every woman deserves support and encouragement no matter what she chooses to do in this area.

Next area of judgment I found myself facing as a brand new mother: Formula feeding vs. Breast feeding. I was TRAUMATIZED by my experience with my firstborn. She didn't want to nurse, I was stressed, she wasn't gaining weight, and so on. For my own sanity and the health of my baby, I switched her to formula at three weeks old. I honestly fought as hard as I could. Tried everything that was suggested to me and more. The best thing for my baby was to bottle feed her. I firmly believe that. I STILL hear about it from some ladies almost three years later. Get over yourselves. lol. I have a beautiful nursing relationship now with my four month old. I love it. I am so thankful that this time around it worked out. Guess what? It wasn't a lack of love or determination or anything the first time. It was a matter of not starving my daughter who literally would not eat. I am a good mom for using formula. I am a good mom for breastfeeding. Both girls are loved and were (are) nourished in the best possible way for each of them. That is all that matters. Period. I am in the breast feeding "club" currently and I still get annoyed with other "members" that act like they're better than any mom who bottle feeds. Feeding is not a competition. Is your baby loved and nourished? Ok then. Great job, Mom!

It just seems to all grow as the kids grow, too. "My baby rolled over, sat, crawled, talked, walked first." "My toddler knows all of this information." "My kid was the most well behaved kid at the party today unlike so-and-so's kid who whined like crazy." Believe me, when my girls do something new I am THRILLED. I get so excited about every single milestone. It's natural. But every child is different. The fact that your kid was speaking in full paragraphs before my kid even said two words is great for them...but it doesn't make you or them better. We're all just different. This is NOT a competition. Are you noticing a theme here? HA. In this journey of parenthood, I'd love to see less comparing and judging and more love and support. Can we do that? Can we start being happy for each other and encouraging each other and quit trying to one-up everyone around us? That would be fantastic. I love when people can embrace differences rather than judge them. It makes for a much more beautiful world. Don't you think? I certainly do.

P.S. I come from a very judgmental, proud background. The whole premise of it was to be humble and not judge but that very rarely actually happens. I noticed that once I stopped worrying about what everyone around me was doing and thinking it was my job to judge them, life got a whole lot happier and more carefree. I like it that way.